We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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