If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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