I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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