Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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