OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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