i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
