Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
