does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
