Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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