i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
