Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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