you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
