I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize