You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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