i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
