This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just gift wrapped bread.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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