whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
