Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
