I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
