apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
