We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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