Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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