I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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