well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.