Texts From Last Night

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  (424): View more from California

  you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain

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  (424): you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain http://tfl.nu/zpba
  Replies (3) Good night (890) Bad night (1685)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day

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  (703): i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day http://tfl.nu/h495
  Replies (29) Good night (6592) Bad night (667)
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  (510): View more from California

  You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

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  (510): You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying http://tfl.nu/xlhu
  Replies (25) Good night (2082) Bad night (6028)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  this study room smells like vodka

  (310): View more from California

  the study room thinks the same about you

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  (573): this study room smells like vodka (310): the study room thinks the same about you http://tfl.nu/w62g
  Replies (16) Good night (6306) Bad night (1030)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.

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  (806): Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever. http://tfl.nu/07ur
  Replies (9) Good night (4317) Bad night (962)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  that's what penises do

  (254): View more from Texas

  they tell lies.

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  (254): that's what penises do (254): they tell lies. http://tfl.nu/si8y
  Replies (14) Good night (4697) Bad night (1354)
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  (661): View more from California

  When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience

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  (661): When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience http://tfl.nu/gidk
  Replies (17) Good night (838) Bad night (5038)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.

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  (204): You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head. http://tfl.nu/a92s
  Replies (25) Good night (4683) Bad night (1079)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.

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  (248): I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right. http://tfl.nu/unzg
  Replies (10) Good night (1565) Bad night (736)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic

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  (502): I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic http://tfl.nu/cgjl
  Replies (2) Good night (823) Bad night (729)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?

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  (574): should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know? http://tfl.nu/sb56
  Replies (10) Good night (521) Bad night (1181)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.

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  (412): wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago. http://tfl.nu/kdfi
  Replies (4) Good night (366) Bad night (744)
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  (714): View more from California

  I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it

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  (714): I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it http://tfl.nu/cek3
  Replies (3) Good night (507) Bad night (297)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.

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  (978): Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story. http://tfl.nu/gzmk
  Replies (2) Good night (480) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.

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  (207): Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg. http://tfl.nu/550i
  Replies (3) Good night (486) Bad night (282)

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