I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.