Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
