I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.