i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife