Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(916): View more from California

the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.

Fav 20 5001 1029
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me

Fav 34 887 5211
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(781): View more from Massachusetts

I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.

Fav 43 1505 9262
share tweet
(951): View more from California

All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.

Fav 17 8327 1364
share tweet
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(773): View more from Illinois

I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.

Fav 9 4435 1367
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.

Fav 19 4156 1219
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(707): View more from California

She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.

Fav 9 5886 1368
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.

Fav 3 517 1041
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(949): View more from California

Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.

(714): View more from California

That explains the way he looks at you.

Fav 1 195 84
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT