Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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