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You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
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