her vagine was all disorganized.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.