Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize