My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
