I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
