I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
