I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
