Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
