As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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