OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
