: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
