happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
