He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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