He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
