theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
