Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
