He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
