is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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