these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
