so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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