I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
