I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
