i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
