All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
