Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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