just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
