I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
