U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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