Dude i fell asleep inside of her
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.