I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.