I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read