at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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