remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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