i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
