I heard we made out
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
