so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
