i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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